Compassion

"For there is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even one's own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes." — Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Curse this emotion called compassion. It's driving me out of my mind.

These days I have been losing track of myself, but I think I have finally woken up. It finally hit me what I have been doing for the past two months. And it must stop now. It's not how I am. I was turning into someone I don't recognize. It's as if the more depressed I am, there will eventually be a point in which I go into denial and release my suppressed emotions in expressions of happiness and extraversion. This has happened before...5 years ago. It got to a point in which I could no longer take the emptiness and I ended in a merely external explosion of cheerfulness. It is often in these circumstances that I end up either expressing myself too much and too easily or not at all. And I begin to act completely different than before, disregarding the consequences of my actions. I guess I can also say that this is how I deal with stress. I go into denial or I laugh it off. Or I pretend everything is fine because I know it will be eventually. Or all of them combined.

Party

Last night was so much fun, but I don't remember half of what happened. From what I heard though, I was completely wasted. But I'm so glad I had such amazing friends that took care of me the whole night. I don't know what I would've done without them. I feel so bad about it though... I can't believe it. I never wanted to get drunk! Moral of the story: never mix soju and beer together.

Apparently though, I was very funny and silly, and everyone actually had fun with me. -_-'' I can't imagine it at all... @_@ And I kept talking about driving. LOL It goes to show how much I want to drive. Plus it was extremely strange waking up and not remembering anything. But somehow I remember everything before that quite well. I mean, I even remember Anh's address down to her house number! But after that, my mind is completely blank.

Finally

It was finally approved. Secretly, I think it was a result of my own stupidity that it was not previously approved. But that's all in the past and I shouldn't reproach myself again and again. At least now I am finally a resident and can apply for financial aid. Good grief. I need to remind myself that I'm saving money. Goddamnit.

Sigh... after all those years of form-filling. It just goes to show the effectiveness of official-looking packaging.

To be honest, the implications of it hasn't hit be yet. I just feel extremely relieved that I don't have to worry about it anymore. After ten years of waiting, I wasn't going to be too disappointed if they didn't approve it again. So now I'm just surprised that it was passed so quickly. Actually I kind of feel like I wasted so much time. This could have happened a long time ago, if we had gotten a good legal representative to help us earlier.

So yeah. One less thing to worry about! :)

And once again:

Snowing Already?

The snow yesterday was amazing. Early December and it's already snowing! Perhaps we'll have a white Christmas this year.

Speaking of which, I've already begun my Christmas card writing. The going is tough, but I'm determined to finish by the end of this week at the latest! Too many people did not receive my cards last year. They must've been lost under the large amount of mail during the holiday season. :( Hopefully all my efforts will not be gone to waste this year.

I think I've finally found my niche. Classes have been so easy that I've been joining every club I can at school, and now I find myself loaded with meetings and club events. But it worked in filling the emptiness I felt earlier. At least, now I have less free time or alone time to think too much.

BFF Day

Yesterday I snuck into Yoocheong's house after Jackie and I had been knocking on his front door and calling him forever. He was sleeping...as usual... So I went to the back and climbed up the high fence into his backyard. Good thing they didn't lock the basement door! I got in through there and went up to open the front door for Jackie. LOL Then I went upstairs to Yoocheong's room and woke him up. -_-'' Man... he takes forever to get ready.

Then we picked Jessica outside my house and saw Judy and Harris! *-* So cute :] But they couldn't come with us. :( Well we were planning to go play laser tag, so the more the merrier! But then it started to rain. -_- So we just went to Annandale to eat and then played basketball. Oooh speaking of basketball! Some of my bastketball skills are coming back to me~ :))) I can make 5 in a row now. :D And Jessica's breakdancing cracked us up. HAHAHAHA I took a video but it was messed up. AHH it was so funny. Yoocheong was like what the hell are you doing?? You're supposed to be going like this. Showing off his bboy skills. lol

I've been listening to Park Bom's You and I all day yesterday and today. @_@ It's so addicting! I was feeling a little emo when I watched the MV and I almost cried. -.-'' But it's so cuuuute!

Right now my torso is still sore from the sit-ups I did on Wednesday. Damn flab. :( Apparently I have 20.7% fat in my body. That's actually on the low end of the "recommended" body fat range, but still! I need to lose fat. @_@ Gotta do cardio or muscular endurance exercise!

Old Town Alexandria

SO MUCH FUN! Yesterday I hung out with Jinmi, Yoocheong, and Jessica, and I had such a great time!! I don't think Jackie had as much fun as we did though... because she got another ticket. :( But other than that, it was all good. And Jackie and I saw this adorable motorcycle outside of Caribou!!

We picked up Jessica, who skipped her last class to hang out with us, and then went to Yoocheong's house. We found out that his new house is really close to mine! LOL When we got to his house, he was actually still sleeping. -_-'' That lazy bum. I wish I took my camera with me to his house though, because when he opened the door, it was absolutely PRICELESS!

We took a side trip to the NVCC Alexandria campus since Jackie needed to get a Calculus textbook, but man... I don't think yesterday was a good day for Jackie. She kept running back and forth between the bookstore and her car because she either had to bring her NOVA ID, or her credit card didn't work, or she forgot her keys in the bookstore. So after all that, we FINALLY went to Old Town Alexandria. Yoocheong actually treated us to lunch! It was so nice of him! Except it was funny how before that, Jackie was telling me how Yoocheong kept saying he had no money. hahahaha Oh yeah and I told Yoocheong about trying to hook Jessica up with someone. He was so supportive! LOL And so straightforward too... XD He's so bad at it.

Old Town has so many cute little stores! Jackie, Jessica, and I were having a good time browsing around, but Yoocheong wasn't interested at all and just sat around. Typical... -_-'' Then we drove back and played basketball, and on the way Jessica and Yoocheong both passed out in the back. I think basketball was the best part of the day though, and I cracked up so much when we were imitating how *someone* makes fun of people. "Hoohoohoohoohoo!" LOL! And when Jackie was jumping to try to touch the net, Yoocheong copied her. Omg it was so hilarious! I haven't laughed so hard in ages!

The sky was really beautiful yesterday. There were some awesome looking clouds too!

Life is Wonderful - Jason Mraz

The sun finally came out yesterday! :] I could finally sit outside and talk to Athena. We had a long talk and I'm so glad despite the fact that we nearly never talk or see each other, our friendship has always been the same. But last night I found out something that changed my opinion on her fiancé. For the worse. =_=

I miss Charlie. T.T And Julia. T-T And Ckay. ToT So many people I love are all over the place, but they're mostly in California, Canada, and New York. Omg and I can't believe Will is going to the Chinese University of Hong Kong! I didn't even know until last week! Hopefully we can all have a 同学会 in the middle of college or after we all graduate from college. I haven't seen them for 2 and a half years. How is everyone doing? I know they're all having great times at their universities, starting their new lives and working toward their own goals. I can't wait until I join them and finally experience the complete college life.

I was talking to Jackie a few days ago. HAHAHA She had a dream about me on Sunday! Apparently in her dream, I was being mean to her by forcing her to go with me and my friends to this fancy place that we had to dress up for, and I was wore a strapless little black dress. (Which actually sounds really cute! lol!) And I  told her I might apply to UPenn again. She said the people there party all night until 4 am, come back to the dorm, do their homework, and they still get straight A's.

-__- Damn. That's my goal right there. Well, it's not so hard for nova. Classes are so ridiculously easy here. For my Economics 201 exam, I only read over the notes and did the study guide the night before the exam, and I got the highest score in the class. That says A LOT about the quality of education here, because I am honestly not a genius, although I wish I am. So now I'm hopefully going to focus more on SGA and other clubs due to the lack of intellectual challanges I derive from my classes! Actually the people in SGA are all very motivated and intelligent people. Which is just the kind of people I need to interact with! Because I am absolutely craving for intellectually stimulating interaction at the moment. I'm afraid that after I transfer, I won't be able to get up to my peers' level.

Oh yeah, and I just started a new addiction to this song by Jason Mraz. <3 Sigh... he is so talented!

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a storie
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
And it takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la

It takes a night to make it done
And it takes a day to make you young brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la

It takes some silence to make sound
And it takes a lost before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to show you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

Ah la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life is meaningful
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la...

Forever true, forever friends

Jessica gave me this box on Wednesday. :))))))) It's so adorable. Jessica's the one on the left of course. Sighhh I miss those times. It felt like such a long time ago, but if you put it in quantitative terms, it's only been 1.5 years. I guess I'm finally at the point in life where a year isn't such a long time anymore. Next year, we'll definitely be parting, but I know it'll be temporary. I mean, we even talked on MSN when we were only 10 feet away from each other! LOL

感動

What Jessica wrote on her blog really moved me and brought tears to my eyes. This is the second time I cried today, and it's only 2:20 in the afternoon. The first time was because I was watching this interview about this unfortunate family. Everything that the older son did and said made me feel 很慚愧. I'm such a useless daughter.

I really want Jessica to be happy. She's going through a lot right now, and I can't do anything to help her but be there for her and listen to her. She doesn't have anyone to talk about it with, and I had hoped that Moses would have been helpful, but he only topped off the avalanche with a snow storm. I know that she's still affected by what happened 3 years ago, but I still hope she'll find someone that will take care of her and make her feel wanted. I mean, now whenever I go somewhere, I'm always looking for a possible candidate for her. Lol... I was doing that the whole time yesterday and on Saturday.

Last night I had a blast being loud and obnoxious. I had so much fun! And watching Judy and Harris together made me feel so happy. :) Except I swear Judy is such a difficult girlfriend... hahaha x] They were so hilarious. I felt so bad for Harris! LOL! And we sang for 3 hours but I still didn't feel like I sang enough when we left. Singing 死了都要愛 didn't give me the same feeling of release. It felt like something was missing, like it wasn't loud enough or something. Oh and when we ate dinner at Bokdaeji, Judy and Harris tried to introduce Jessica to someone at worked there. Jessica was so embarressed that when Judy and Harris were writing her number on the check, she left the restaurant with Charles. Actually Judy was being way too obvious about it, and Harris was so funny. "And he has a sense of humor too!" Omg but that couple kept making fun of me! =0=+ I swear I'm never showing Judy stuff again. Because when I do, the whole world knows. -.-''