"For there is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even one's own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes." — Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of BeingCurse this emotion called compassion. It's driving me out of my mind.
These days I have been losing track of myself, but I think I have finally woken up. It finally hit me what I have been doing for the past two months. And it must stop now. It's not how I am. I was turning into someone I don't recognize. It's as if the more depressed I am, there will eventually be a point in which I go into denial and release my suppressed emotions in expressions of happiness and extraversion. This has happened before...5 years ago. It got to a point in which I could no longer take the emptiness and I ended in a merely external explosion of cheerfulness. It is often in these circumstances that I end up either expressing myself too much and too easily or not at all. And I begin to act completely different than before, disregarding the consequences of my actions. I guess I can also say that this is how I deal with stress. I go into denial or I laugh it off. Or I pretend everything is fine because I know it will be eventually. Or all of them combined.
