White Christmas

This past year will be one of the most meaningful to me. From its beginning to its end, it has given me so many unforgettable memories. But the good thing is it began with something miraculous and ended with something wonderful. The struggles might have been some self-inflicted, some external, but now at least I feel like not everything is going against me anymore. :)

I spent the entire past week at home...hibernating. haha I didn't go out at all except for a walk with my mom and getting the mail. It has been a boring yet relaxing week, but man am I ready to get out of the house. It really sucks to not be able to drive.

Compassion

"For there is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even one's own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes." — Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Curse this emotion called compassion. It's driving me out of my mind.

These days I have been losing track of myself, but I think I have finally woken up. It finally hit me what I have been doing for the past two months. And it must stop now. It's not how I am. I was turning into someone I don't recognize. It's as if the more depressed I am, there will eventually be a point in which I go into denial and release my suppressed emotions in expressions of happiness and extraversion. This has happened before...5 years ago. It got to a point in which I could no longer take the emptiness and I ended in a merely external explosion of cheerfulness. It is often in these circumstances that I end up either expressing myself too much and too easily or not at all. And I begin to act completely different than before, disregarding the consequences of my actions. I guess I can also say that this is how I deal with stress. I go into denial or I laugh it off. Or I pretend everything is fine because I know it will be eventually. Or all of them combined.

Party

Last night was so much fun, but I don't remember half of what happened. From what I heard though, I was completely wasted. But I'm so glad I had such amazing friends that took care of me the whole night. I don't know what I would've done without them. I feel so bad about it though... I can't believe it. I never wanted to get drunk! Moral of the story: never mix soju and beer together.

Apparently though, I was very funny and silly, and everyone actually had fun with me. -_-'' I can't imagine it at all... @_@ And I kept talking about driving. LOL It goes to show how much I want to drive. Plus it was extremely strange waking up and not remembering anything. But somehow I remember everything before that quite well. I mean, I even remember Anh's address down to her house number! But after that, my mind is completely blank.

Finally

It was finally approved. Secretly, I think it was a result of my own stupidity that it was not previously approved. But that's all in the past and I shouldn't reproach myself again and again. At least now I am finally a resident and can apply for financial aid. Good grief. I need to remind myself that I'm saving money. Goddamnit.

Sigh... after all those years of form-filling. It just goes to show the effectiveness of official-looking packaging.

To be honest, the implications of it hasn't hit be yet. I just feel extremely relieved that I don't have to worry about it anymore. After ten years of waiting, I wasn't going to be too disappointed if they didn't approve it again. So now I'm just surprised that it was passed so quickly. Actually I kind of feel like I wasted so much time. This could have happened a long time ago, if we had gotten a good legal representative to help us earlier.

So yeah. One less thing to worry about! :)

And once again:

Snowing Already?

The snow yesterday was amazing. Early December and it's already snowing! Perhaps we'll have a white Christmas this year.

Speaking of which, I've already begun my Christmas card writing. The going is tough, but I'm determined to finish by the end of this week at the latest! Too many people did not receive my cards last year. They must've been lost under the large amount of mail during the holiday season. :( Hopefully all my efforts will not be gone to waste this year.

I think I've finally found my niche. Classes have been so easy that I've been joining every club I can at school, and now I find myself loaded with meetings and club events. But it worked in filling the emptiness I felt earlier. At least, now I have less free time or alone time to think too much.

BFF Day

Yesterday I snuck into Yoocheong's house after Jackie and I had been knocking on his front door and calling him forever. He was sleeping...as usual... So I went to the back and climbed up the high fence into his backyard. Good thing they didn't lock the basement door! I got in through there and went up to open the front door for Jackie. LOL Then I went upstairs to Yoocheong's room and woke him up. -_-'' Man... he takes forever to get ready.

Then we picked Jessica outside my house and saw Judy and Harris! *-* So cute :] But they couldn't come with us. :( Well we were planning to go play laser tag, so the more the merrier! But then it started to rain. -_- So we just went to Annandale to eat and then played basketball. Oooh speaking of basketball! Some of my bastketball skills are coming back to me~ :))) I can make 5 in a row now. :D And Jessica's breakdancing cracked us up. HAHAHAHA I took a video but it was messed up. AHH it was so funny. Yoocheong was like what the hell are you doing?? You're supposed to be going like this. Showing off his bboy skills. lol

I've been listening to Park Bom's You and I all day yesterday and today. @_@ It's so addicting! I was feeling a little emo when I watched the MV and I almost cried. -.-'' But it's so cuuuute!

Right now my torso is still sore from the sit-ups I did on Wednesday. Damn flab. :( Apparently I have 20.7% fat in my body. That's actually on the low end of the "recommended" body fat range, but still! I need to lose fat. @_@ Gotta do cardio or muscular endurance exercise!

Old Town Alexandria

SO MUCH FUN! Yesterday I hung out with Jinmi, Yoocheong, and Jessica, and I had such a great time!! I don't think Jackie had as much fun as we did though... because she got another ticket. :( But other than that, it was all good. And Jackie and I saw this adorable motorcycle outside of Caribou!!

We picked up Jessica, who skipped her last class to hang out with us, and then went to Yoocheong's house. We found out that his new house is really close to mine! LOL When we got to his house, he was actually still sleeping. -_-'' That lazy bum. I wish I took my camera with me to his house though, because when he opened the door, it was absolutely PRICELESS!

We took a side trip to the NVCC Alexandria campus since Jackie needed to get a Calculus textbook, but man... I don't think yesterday was a good day for Jackie. She kept running back and forth between the bookstore and her car because she either had to bring her NOVA ID, or her credit card didn't work, or she forgot her keys in the bookstore. So after all that, we FINALLY went to Old Town Alexandria. Yoocheong actually treated us to lunch! It was so nice of him! Except it was funny how before that, Jackie was telling me how Yoocheong kept saying he had no money. hahahaha Oh yeah and I told Yoocheong about trying to hook Jessica up with someone. He was so supportive! LOL And so straightforward too... XD He's so bad at it.

Old Town has so many cute little stores! Jackie, Jessica, and I were having a good time browsing around, but Yoocheong wasn't interested at all and just sat around. Typical... -_-'' Then we drove back and played basketball, and on the way Jessica and Yoocheong both passed out in the back. I think basketball was the best part of the day though, and I cracked up so much when we were imitating how *someone* makes fun of people. "Hoohoohoohoohoo!" LOL! And when Jackie was jumping to try to touch the net, Yoocheong copied her. Omg it was so hilarious! I haven't laughed so hard in ages!

The sky was really beautiful yesterday. There were some awesome looking clouds too!

Life is Wonderful - Jason Mraz

The sun finally came out yesterday! :] I could finally sit outside and talk to Athena. We had a long talk and I'm so glad despite the fact that we nearly never talk or see each other, our friendship has always been the same. But last night I found out something that changed my opinion on her fiancé. For the worse. =_=

I miss Charlie. T.T And Julia. T-T And Ckay. ToT So many people I love are all over the place, but they're mostly in California, Canada, and New York. Omg and I can't believe Will is going to the Chinese University of Hong Kong! I didn't even know until last week! Hopefully we can all have a 同学会 in the middle of college or after we all graduate from college. I haven't seen them for 2 and a half years. How is everyone doing? I know they're all having great times at their universities, starting their new lives and working toward their own goals. I can't wait until I join them and finally experience the complete college life.

I was talking to Jackie a few days ago. HAHAHA She had a dream about me on Sunday! Apparently in her dream, I was being mean to her by forcing her to go with me and my friends to this fancy place that we had to dress up for, and I was wore a strapless little black dress. (Which actually sounds really cute! lol!) And I  told her I might apply to UPenn again. She said the people there party all night until 4 am, come back to the dorm, do their homework, and they still get straight A's.

-__- Damn. That's my goal right there. Well, it's not so hard for nova. Classes are so ridiculously easy here. For my Economics 201 exam, I only read over the notes and did the study guide the night before the exam, and I got the highest score in the class. That says A LOT about the quality of education here, because I am honestly not a genius, although I wish I am. So now I'm hopefully going to focus more on SGA and other clubs due to the lack of intellectual challanges I derive from my classes! Actually the people in SGA are all very motivated and intelligent people. Which is just the kind of people I need to interact with! Because I am absolutely craving for intellectually stimulating interaction at the moment. I'm afraid that after I transfer, I won't be able to get up to my peers' level.

Oh yeah, and I just started a new addiction to this song by Jason Mraz. <3 Sigh... he is so talented!

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a storie
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
And it takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la

It takes a night to make it done
And it takes a day to make you young brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la

It takes some silence to make sound
And it takes a lost before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to show you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

Ah la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life is meaningful
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la...

Forever true, forever friends

Jessica gave me this box on Wednesday. :))))))) It's so adorable. Jessica's the one on the left of course. Sighhh I miss those times. It felt like such a long time ago, but if you put it in quantitative terms, it's only been 1.5 years. I guess I'm finally at the point in life where a year isn't such a long time anymore. Next year, we'll definitely be parting, but I know it'll be temporary. I mean, we even talked on MSN when we were only 10 feet away from each other! LOL

感動

What Jessica wrote on her blog really moved me and brought tears to my eyes. This is the second time I cried today, and it's only 2:20 in the afternoon. The first time was because I was watching this interview about this unfortunate family. Everything that the older son did and said made me feel 很慚愧. I'm such a useless daughter.

I really want Jessica to be happy. She's going through a lot right now, and I can't do anything to help her but be there for her and listen to her. She doesn't have anyone to talk about it with, and I had hoped that Moses would have been helpful, but he only topped off the avalanche with a snow storm. I know that she's still affected by what happened 3 years ago, but I still hope she'll find someone that will take care of her and make her feel wanted. I mean, now whenever I go somewhere, I'm always looking for a possible candidate for her. Lol... I was doing that the whole time yesterday and on Saturday.

Last night I had a blast being loud and obnoxious. I had so much fun! And watching Judy and Harris together made me feel so happy. :) Except I swear Judy is such a difficult girlfriend... hahaha x] They were so hilarious. I felt so bad for Harris! LOL! And we sang for 3 hours but I still didn't feel like I sang enough when we left. Singing 死了都要愛 didn't give me the same feeling of release. It felt like something was missing, like it wasn't loud enough or something. Oh and when we ate dinner at Bokdaeji, Judy and Harris tried to introduce Jessica to someone at worked there. Jessica was so embarressed that when Judy and Harris were writing her number on the check, she left the restaurant with Charles. Actually Judy was being way too obvious about it, and Harris was so funny. "And he has a sense of humor too!" Omg but that couple kept making fun of me! =0=+ I swear I'm never showing Judy stuff again. Because when I do, the whole world knows. -.-''

Expression

It's been a while since my last post. Although I made this blog with the intent of expressing my thoughts, I still can't type out how I really feel. I guess it's the wall I built, and it's even hard for myself to break it down. Lately Jessica's problems with Momo have made me realize that I also have a wall that I've never let down except for a select few.

Even right now. Every time I type out what I'm thinking, I backspace it out again. There was a time when I seemed like a completely open person that didn't care what I said or who heard it. But I wasn't actually like that. That happy, loud, obnoxious, reckless person that laughed all the time was just a shell. She didn't want to show how she really felt, so she pretended to be loud and happy. It helped convince her that everything was okay. It was a way for her to forget and run away from reality.

But now I prefer to be silent. Always the good listener. I keep everything to myself. There was a time when I couldn't keep quiet. I just had to tell someone. But now, I just bite my lip and don't say anything. I guess it's because I learned that there's no point in saying anything, since I don't want to hear comforting words or support. That's not going to help the actual situation. Everyone has their own problems. I used to want to be a psychologist, but now that I think about it, deciding against it was a good choice. I'd be listening to other people's problems all day long, trying to help them. I just want to live a carefree life. That's why I want to be a workaholic. That way I can concentrate on work and not think about other things.

hahaha... I just remembered that Jessica and my mom said before that I'm not a girl. haha. I was probably meant to be a guy, but somehow I ended up with a girl's body.

冷笑话

蚯蚓一家这天很无聊，小蚯蚓想了想，把自己切成两段，打羽毛球去了。
蚯蚓妈妈觉得这方法法不错，就把自己切成四段，打麻将去了。
没过一会，蚯蚓爸爸就把自己切成了肉末。
蚯蚓妈妈哭着说："你怎么那么傻，切得那么碎会死的。"
蚯蚓爸爸弱弱地说："突然想踢足球……"

Swings

現在我好想去玩鞦韆
小的時候我最喜歡那個感覺
無憂無慮的
又輕鬆又刺激

小情歌 - Sodagreen 蘇打綠

這是一首簡單的小情歌 唱著人們心腸的曲折
我想我很快樂 當有你的溫熱 腳邊的空氣轉了

這是一首簡單的小情歌 唱著我們心頭的白鴿
我想我很適合 當一個歌頌者 青春在風中飄著

你知道
就算大雨讓這座城市顛倒 我會給你懷抱
受不了 看見你背影來到
寫下我 度秒如年難捱的離騷

就算整個世界被寂寞綁票 我也不會奔跑
逃不了 最後誰也都蒼老
寫下我 時間和琴聲交錯的城堡

Graduation '09

I graduated!! My high school days are over... But what will the future hold?

Judy gave me orange lilies. They're so beautiful. :) And Jessica gave me paper stars that she made and put into a clear teddy bear container. They are such terrible liars... I knew that Jessica was going to give me that since the day she bought the paper for the stars... -_-''

After the graduation ceremony, my mom drove us (me, Jessica, Judy) to Four Sisters, the Vietnamese restaurant Judy kept telling us about. The food was really good. Mmm...

Quote of the Day

"When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant." — Lisa Unger, Beautiful Lies

"Prom"

We had so much fun tonight. :) Jessica and Judy were wonderful, but Pearl couldn't make it. That was very unfortunate for me... since that meant I was left alone with two crazy girls. >.< Jessica actually dressed like she was going to prom! She looked beautiful. Judy was more casual, and she looked cute (as usual). I dressed the most casual... I just wore my white cotton summer dress... It's so comfortable~ At the restaurant (Gool Dae Ji) I felt so self-conscious because we were so overdressed! The best part was noraebang and walking back to Shilla. Jessica and I sang 死了都要愛~ It felt soooo good! We had to go home at 11 though, because Judy's parents didn't want her to stay out too late.

Jessica's 17th Birthday

Jessica's birthday was May 10th, but somehow every year her birthday always ends up on the weekend between the AP testing weeks... So we had Jessica's birthday celebration #2 today~ We had such a great time~ I love these girls! Judy bought her the cutest birthday cake imaginable! And I made her an Aupanman birthday card and bought her a teddy bear necklace. It's soo adorable.

We went to Cafe Muse and sang for 2 hours, then ate jjajangmyun, then took sticker pictures at Thinga, and finally sat in Shilla for a while~ Man...and we saw a group of Korean guys. Judy and Jessica were so crazy! Pearl and I were like, STOP IT! I'm so glad I had Pearl with me, but it was already really embarressing... The weird thing was, Jessica's friend Jihee actually knew those guys and one of them was supposed to come with her today.

Crazy Driving

Jessica's birthday celebration #1! haha :D We went to Potomac Mills for movie and dinner. I met Sharon and her boyfriend for the first time! Jessica also brought along the girl she was babysitting. Man...I gotta say... Sharon's driving is crazy! Sitting in her car was scary and painful... I got dizzy and felt like throwing up. Her boyfriend was nice and treated us to dinner. It felt like they were the parents are us 3 were their kids. I called them omma and appa~ hahaha

DCON

Oh man... It was... fun. Kind of. Ironically, I spent most of my time with Yaeeun, even though the whole reason I went to DCON was because Judy and I didn't get a chance to room together in Boston. But Judy and Alexis were too busy with boys haha, so that left me with Yaeeun. I was really surprised that Jon was such a party guy! He's really good at dancing. I was so shocked! He didn't look like it at school. I would've never guessed! There were definitely some sparks flying around. ;] I danced with some guys on the first night, but omg then the last guy grinded on me so hard. = = It was disgusting. So on the second night I rejected like every guy that asked me to dance. Eventually it was like a game, counting how many that I rejected. hahaha

There are so many sluts in Key Club though. I never knew, but DCON really showed me that. -_- And not all Key Clubbers are Asian either! There were lots of other ethnicities too. I finally met the famous Sid that Jon kept talking about. Haha And Jon was right, Sid does flirt with everyone! Jon, Sid, and Kenny were really good at dancing. And Kenny has a really nice aura. :)

At the last meeting, I cried during the President's speech and when I saw Mary crying. I just could help but cry when I saw them crying. T.T There are so many people that are passionate about Key Club. It really moved me and made me wish that I had joined Key Club earlier.

Mr. Brothers stayed in his room most of the time and watched TV. He was really nice and treated us to dinner both on the way there and back. We all had a good time, especially Alexis and Judy. ;) They both had fun with their guys. As for me, I'm actually glad I'm a senior. I don't even want to go again. Although, I'm pretty curious about ICON. The international version must be even more dirty. LOL

Chorus Trip to Boston

The night before leaving for Boston, I slept over at Judy's house. Her stuffed Spongebob is so cute! I held his hand while sleeping because I missed Sheepie. :(

The Chorus trip this year was definitely not as fun as last year's... First of all, because of Judy, I had to room with freshmen. Second, we spent most of our time shopping. The Blue Man's Group Concert was AMAZING though. They were also really funny. I think that was the best part. The tours and shopping were boring though... The only thing I bought was a cute teddy bear necklace as Jessica's birthday present.

And the dance... -_- It was just... lame. Woojae asked me to dance, but after a while we walked outside because it was so hot in there I almost suffocated. @.@ Outside, he took my hand and we walked around in the rain. I was so surprised, since he's like 2 years younger! But it was really cute, because he tried to make everything romantic. Hahaha He even made me waltz with him. After a while we went back inside and Judy had asked a guy named Danny to dance. He is definitely interested in her now. ;]

The day at Six Flags was alright. I finally saw the true sides of "some people," and I found out James and Earle are such good people! I love them! I really want James to be my little brother, but he doesn't want to be... T.T

Sakura Masuri

Judy and I went to DC for the Cherry Blossom Festival yesterday! We took the metro there, and there was such a long line... -_-'' But good thing I had tickets left over from when Julia was here, so we didn't have to buy tickets. And at DC... man...we walked sooo much. We did calligraphy, karaoke, DDR, and took pictures of cosplayers. Some people are so freakishly good at DDR! Judy and I tried...and failed... hahaha

We also watched so many bands and singers perform. We listened to American Short Hair and Kawashima Ai the most, and I took so many videos and photos that I used up my 4GB memory card... The lead singer in American Short Hair is kind of cute if you look at him from the side. A girl asked him to go to prom with her, and another girl asked if he's single. hahaha And one of the guys that was a host for American Short Hair looked like Austin Chung!

The people in Japanese Honors Society were there helping out too. We saw Yaeeun, Kenneth, and Steven. And we got ripped off when we bought sushi... I thought it would be a shame if we didn't eat some Japanese food... So we bought some sushi, bbq chicken, and calamari, and it cost us like 50 bucks. Damn them!! =_= But the calamari was really good. *.*

And of course, we went to see the cherry blossom trees. They were beautiful!! So pink and white and soft and mesmerizing. The only flaw was there were so many people around us, and we were constantly in danger of being blown away by the tremendously strong wind.

Then afterwards we hung out for the rest of the day at Judy's house and ended up sleeping over. First time I slept over at her house!! It was such a good sleep too. We were both so tired after such a long day of walking~

Happy April Fool's

Decadence Fashion Show

I loved my hair and makeup for the fashion show. ^^ The hair and makeup artists are actually students from a professional school. They gave my hair lots of volume, and it worked really well. I had to go back to do it again though, because my hair fell back down again. My makeup was blue and silver, and it looked really outrageous up close, but I guess on stage you can barely see it.

My outfit was okay~ Our theme was ruffles, so I just wore something with ruffles that was Mary's and my own pants. I'm glad I wore pants though, since most of the other girls all wore dresses and skirts. The shoes were Yeji's. They were sooo slippery. ><'' I was so scared that I would slip on stage.

St. Patrick's Day

I want to be a leprechaun.

Georgetown

Julia and I went to DC today. It was actually the first time I went alone, but I did every kinda of transportation preparation possible, and it went well~ Only, at first we walked in the wrong direction... and it was also a freezing 40 degrees while we were both wearing only sweatshirts... but it was still fun! haha :D
We went to Georgetown and ate at a nice little Italian restaurant. The atmosphere was really nice, the food was good, and the prices weren't outrageous. We shopped around for a while, and we bought matching friendship rings! Mine is pink and hers is purple~ <3

Gee Gee

Julia came! And stayed! And we played! We went to noraebang today (with Jessica and Judy too)! Actually it was the first time I went to noraebang in America. Afterwards, we walked on the streets at night singing "gee gee gee gee baby baby baby baby~~! hahaha And of course, we also took sticker pictures~

Julia hasn't changed. :) We talked a lot. I'm so glad she could come.

Love

"Love is just 4 letters put together to form a word, but this word carries weight and more meaning than any other. So when I say I love you I’m saying so much more than just those 3 words. To me, being in love with you is like discovering color for the first time, feeling a cold breeze on a warm day, it’s standing in the rain to feel alive, the revelation that there is something far bigger than you in this world. My love for you is pure, strong and completely enveloping. I love you."

APES Project

Stupid APES Energy Efficient House Project took Buck and me forever to finish! We literally worked on our house for 3 days straight at Buck's house. -_- And we spent so much money on it... Ours is the best though. ^0^ We measured so precisely and we ACTUALLY made furniture out of wood and painted them. I am actually pretty amazed at Buck's craft skills, since he made almost all of the furniture by himself when I went home. He also did all of the cutting and sawing... haha poor guy. He did all of the hard work.

Making that house was really enjoyable and frustrating at the same time though. I got really annoyed at it sometimes and cussed so much. XD My mom even said I cussed in my sleep. Hahaha! But we laughed a lot while we worked too. It's actually fun working with Buck, because we have a similar kind of humor and we're always making fun of each other. He takes jokes well, so I don't have to worry about offending him.

Anyway, even though we worked so hard on the house, it was still only 2 points of extra credit for the quarter... = = And I ended up failing my calculus test because I spent the whole time working on the house. But I don't regret doing it, since it's the best project that I ever made, so I feel that it was worth it.

Oh, Miraculous Life.

How incredible.

Suddenly something I had believed for a lifetime - however short - is false.

It feels unreal.

A dream.

And yet, I feel happier for it.

The love I had did not disappear.

Instead, it swelled, and I can begin to understand better.

Yes, I'm beginning to understand.

Thank you. So much. Words can't describe my gratefulness.

All I can say is...

Wow.

I love you.

New Year's Resolutions

Looks like time for another batch of New Year's Resolutions to forget about later. No, I really want to fulfill them this year. Maybe this is going to be the year.

1. Good time management
2. Waste less time (like right now)
3. Stick to my sleeping schedule
4. Work hard
5. Prioritize
6. Start work once I get home/Do not procrastinate

Short list, but really hard to do. But since this year I'll soon be an "official" adult, I better start acting like one. Last night I was thinking about how much time I've wasted in my life. I always think that I have all the time in the world to loiter and do nothing. Of course, such is not the case. I waste precious time by just posting on this blog that I don't let anybody read. So why do I do it?