White Christmas

This past year will be one of the most meaningful to me. From its beginning to its end, it has given me so many unforgettable memories. But the good thing is it began with something miraculous and ended with something wonderful. The struggles might have been some self-inflicted, some external, but now at least I feel like not everything is going against me anymore. :)

I spent the entire past week at home...hibernating. haha I didn't go out at all except for a walk with my mom and getting the mail. It has been a boring yet relaxing week, but man am I ready to get out of the house. It really sucks to not be able to drive.

Compassion

"For there is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even one's own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes." — Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Curse this emotion called compassion. It's driving me out of my mind.

These days I have been losing track of myself, but I think I have finally woken up. It finally hit me what I have been doing for the past two months. And it must stop now. It's not how I am. I was turning into someone I don't recognize. It's as if the more depressed I am, there will eventually be a point in which I go into denial and release my suppressed emotions in expressions of happiness and extraversion. This has happened before...5 years ago. It got to a point in which I could no longer take the emptiness and I ended in a merely external explosion of cheerfulness. It is often in these circumstances that I end up either expressing myself too much and too easily or not at all. And I begin to act completely different than before, disregarding the consequences of my actions. I guess I can also say that this is how I deal with stress. I go into denial or I laugh it off. Or I pretend everything is fine because I know it will be eventually. Or all of them combined.

Party

Last night was so much fun, but I don't remember half of what happened. From what I heard though, I was completely wasted. But I'm so glad I had such amazing friends that took care of me the whole night. I don't know what I would've done without them. I feel so bad about it though... I can't believe it. I never wanted to get drunk! Moral of the story: never mix soju and beer together.

Apparently though, I was very funny and silly, and everyone actually had fun with me. -_-'' I can't imagine it at all... @_@ And I kept talking about driving. LOL It goes to show how much I want to drive. Plus it was extremely strange waking up and not remembering anything. But somehow I remember everything before that quite well. I mean, I even remember Anh's address down to her house number! But after that, my mind is completely blank.

Finally

It was finally approved. Secretly, I think it was a result of my own stupidity that it was not previously approved. But that's all in the past and I shouldn't reproach myself again and again. At least now I am finally a resident and can apply for financial aid. Good grief. I need to remind myself that I'm saving money. Goddamnit.

Sigh... after all those years of form-filling. It just goes to show the effectiveness of official-looking packaging.

To be honest, the implications of it hasn't hit be yet. I just feel extremely relieved that I don't have to worry about it anymore. After ten years of waiting, I wasn't going to be too disappointed if they didn't approve it again. So now I'm just surprised that it was passed so quickly. Actually I kind of feel like I wasted so much time. This could have happened a long time ago, if we had gotten a good legal representative to help us earlier.

So yeah. One less thing to worry about! :)

And once again:

Snowing Already?

The snow yesterday was amazing. Early December and it's already snowing! Perhaps we'll have a white Christmas this year.

Speaking of which, I've already begun my Christmas card writing. The going is tough, but I'm determined to finish by the end of this week at the latest! Too many people did not receive my cards last year. They must've been lost under the large amount of mail during the holiday season. :( Hopefully all my efforts will not be gone to waste this year.

I think I've finally found my niche. Classes have been so easy that I've been joining every club I can at school, and now I find myself loaded with meetings and club events. But it worked in filling the emptiness I felt earlier. At least, now I have less free time or alone time to think too much.